Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Stuck between a couch and a soft place.

I'm so lazy these days. It's ridiculous. I get so many offers to get together with my lovely friends and family during the week, but I can't make time. It's like there is so much that needs to happen that I just manage it all by keeping the same hours as a 5 month old--that means taking several naps--in other words I don't do anything. Mine aren't always naps though, sometimes it's watching a movie or reading. But, in my own defense, if I'm watching a movie I'm usually folding laundry or pumping or eating. So as I'm working through this I think I'm realizing that instead of having situational post-partum depression or some sort of lazy thyroid, I think I'm just bad at managing time. Part of it is that I spend at least 3 hours a day pumping. Also, I need 9 hours of sleep, no less is acceptable. Then, the only time I get to myself is after the babe is in bed so I'm usually up until 11:30, which means I get up kinda late. Okay I'm gonna break it down (excuse me but this has been needing to be evaluated and this post wasn't meant to go this direction and if you find this boring and want to exit I don't blame you):

9am-wake up
9:15-eat and manage baby (she eats, change diaper, get her dressed)
10am-pump (baby sleeps)
11am-play with and feed baby
12:30-eat, maybe shower if time allows, straighten up house, relax (baby sleeps)
2pm-baby eats and plays
3:30-pump (baby sleeps)
4:30-relax and make dinner (ryan manages baby)
6pm-eat dinner
6:30-clean up and do other household chores (laundry etc)
7pm-bath baby
7:30-relax or homework

Okay, I resolve that I don't actually have that much time. And, these are nights that I don't have school. I realize now that other mothers just don't take the time I take to relax, and seriously the pumping thing is time consuming!!! Also, I have major issues with letting Maizey play alone. I feel so guilty when I plop her into her pack and play so that I can get work done around the house.

Wow. This whole post is very depressing. How very not SATC of me. It may not be glamorous, but it's my life and I love it. I love that many days I'm not out of my jammies until noon or so. But, I don't love it when Ryan comes home for lunch and I'm still in my bedroom in my jammies eating cereal. Now looking at my schedule, I can see why that happens--I'm busy until noon! I guess I just don't understand how moms of 2 toddlers (uh Georgia) can cook amazing meals from scratch (Georgia), bake homemade individual pumpkin cheesecakes (Georgia), and keep a spotless house (Georgia). Meanwhile I am guilty of cooking spaghetti 2 nights a week, having dog hair tumbleweeds on my floors, and going more days than I should admit without a shower, even though my baby sleeps probably about 18 hours a day. I cannot even tell you how long I've wanted to clean my shower, but I can't make time. I do, however, do about 8 or 9 loads of laundry a week. Then there is the blogging--that takes up a substantial amount of time. I think I need to hire a consultant. Maybe Mistilyn can get someone out here from Point B pro bono.

Any advice?

The old days when all I worried about was if the dogs had been fed, and wanting a baby. There was always plenty of time to vacuum dog hair tumbleweeds

I would just sit outside and read and listen to Theivery Corporation.

It's way harder and I do less reading and there are more tubleweeds, but it's WAY better.

I mean WAY better.


Jessica Zevely said...

My eyes are filled with tears..I'm not kidding you...I can't wait to be where you are.

Love you guys!!!

And I will come over and clean your shower...that's my favorite thing to clean!! :)

Ricki-Ratzzi said...

What about that schedule and situation is different than a year ago? As your sister, I need to call you out, seriously. Many, many women work full time, and manage children. Even those who don't are more productive, your case in point - Georgia (mom of the year) and she has a TODDLER!!! If you don't figure it out, it's only going to get worse. Figure out a way to work more efficiently, and turn off the TV.

You can do it. I know you can.

Beth Zarling said...

Hey, I say let yourself have a pass. I have guilt because I DO put Harper in the bouncy seat and vaccuum or do laundry. I am sure Maizey is going to be much more well adjusted and smarter because you spend so much time with her. I am just so type A that I will let my daughter suffer a little in order for my house to be fairly clean. Be happy for those naps too. Harper won't sleep without me so I can't use that time to do anything. She didn't get that bad napping jean from me (or her grandpa!)

Ricki-Ratzzi said...

Okay... I have to explain. I have a lot of anger about you not visiting me for lunch this week. Now I know why!

Ricki-Ratzzi said...

Publicly... I am sorry Lana. Probably not the best topic to exercise tough love, and a little sarcasm on a blog. Let me know if there is anything I can do, other than making you feel worse.

Barb said...

you have way to high expectations of yourself, you are a mom of 5 short months, you are doing great. She is a computer and what you put in to her now is the most important for her and mankind. Really!!!!!

Georgia said...

omg your killing me today..if only you were here now, you'd see:
Me on the computer for an hour...and my house a MESS...and probably gonna order pizza for dinner!! haha!!

Mo said...

hey, you just decribed my typical day Lana! don't even worry about it. i have set low expectations for myself and i'm pleased if all i accomplish in a day is 2 loads of laundry and getting 2 bottles of milk pumped. sometimes that is all you can get done in 24 hours. and that's okay!

lacers said...

Lana you are doing fantastically!! Anytime you feel guilty for not doing something just look at your little angel.....much more fun than vaccuming!! I definately pass on the cleaning to spend extra time with the kiddies. You are doing great and taking college classes. That is hard work. I just don't think you give yourself enough credit!!! By the way we need to get the kiddies together again so they can play....whenever you feel up to it K?