Saturday, May 30, 2009
Saying goodbye to you today was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I remember that the last time I had to say goodbye to a dog was in the 3rd grade, to Charlie, who looked a lot like you. I went to school and I was so upset that my teacher recommended that I write him a letter. I did and I felt much better. So here is my letter to you, my sweet sweet boy.
I'm sorry you were in so much pain today. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to have to fight so hard for every breath. You were so brave. I feel lucky that, until this morning, you were doing so well. I feel lucky that we gave you a lot of treats this morning. I feel lucky that we had so much fun playing in the yard on Thursday. I feel really lucky that, despite what all the vets predicted, you lived for 3 whole years after your chemotherapy. I feel very sorry that we couldn't take you swimming or for walks for the last few months because it was so hard on your body. But, our last walk through the trails and playing in the creek at McCollum Park will be a favorite memory.
You've only been gone a few short hours, and already life feels a little unrecognizable. The silence in the house without you here is deafening. You were such an integral part of this family. I was making a sandwich this afternoon and I was waiting for you to run up to me so that I could give you cheese--maybe your favorite food. I tiptoed into the room where Maizey was sleeping and I didn't hear the thumping of your tail. We took Louise outside to play and the yard felt so empty. Someone rang the doorbell and there was silence--not your protective bark. That someone was delivering flowers to us, because we lost you.
I want you to know that you had the whole vet's office in tears this afternoon. They must have remembered the time that they took you back to cut your nails and it took 5 people to hold you down, and somehow you managed to snap the bra off of one of the techs--you silly boy. I am devastated, and so is daddy. Maizey doesn't know it yet, but she will someday. I am worried about Louise and Allie. They both loved you so much. We are giving Lou some holistic anti-anxiety dog meds, I'm hoping that will help minimize the grief that she already so obviously feels. We're going to get her a new bed today, so she can snuggle up and think about you.
You were such a good dog, Bubba. You brought us so much joy in your short 9 years. I hope that wherever you are right now has lots of cheese. I hope there is a big lake, full of big rocks for you to dig up. I hope that someone is throwing you a stick in the water so many times that you will sleep for days after. I hope that you get to tuck in the snow. I hope there are squirrels and birds to chase. I hope there are houses for you to protect and cars with the windows down for you to stick your head out and smell the air and let your ears flap in the wind.
I miss you so much. I will always miss you. Today, when I came to see you, you were panting so hard. They couldn't do anything to get your airway to reopen. I held your face in my hands and put my head on your head, and for just a moment you relaxed. I know you loved me as much as I loved you. Daddy said that right before you passed away, your breathing got back to normal for about 20seconds and that you peacefully fell asleep in his arms. I'm glad that you are at peace. I love you.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Getting ready for the IV. They put warm packs on her to get the veins to vasodilate (are you so impressed with my mad physiology skillz??).
So, on a happier note. We had a long, fabulous Memorial Day weekend at the cabin in Tahuya with my family (minus the pneumonia)! Maizey and I went to my parents house on Wednesday night, helped my mom buy the entire bath/bedding section of Macy's and ate at the Rainforest Cafe (thank you dad). Maizey loved the cafe, especially the gorillas, which seem like they would frighten most kiddos--I guess she takes after her mama with her love of apes! Then, Thursday morning we headed up to the Cabin with my mom. Ryan stayed home for the weekend to get some stuff done around the house. We had a great time playing with cousin Harper, Maizey went for her first kayak ride, and played on the air mattress in Erika's tent (I called it baby catnip because Maizey got really lovey dovey and silly in there--probably lack of oxygen)! It was in that tent that Maizey started giving kisses for the first time, and it hasn't stopped. She will just go from person to person giving kisses, it's adorable, and a really effective way to spread rotavirus (luckily none of us have come down with it so far)!! Anyway, here are some photos from our cabin adventure (mostly courtesy of auntie).
Rainforest Cafe with Grammy
Maizey's first time in the canal. All she wanted to do was eat rocks...
Such a little thing in such a big place.
This is in the tent. Notice my mom in a wool sweater with a wool blanket? It must have been 80degrees in that tent and she was still freezing (because she had a fever). We found out that night that she had pneumonia!
My dad is rad.
She LOVES this little slide in the pool!
Maizey and auntie. Everyone thinks Maize looks just like auntie.
Upside down kisses from mama.
Playing in Dry Creek. Actually, I don't think she was playing so much as protesting. It was REALLY cold!
Hanging out in my trunk.
I came home early from the cabin so that we could spend a day doing something fun with daddy. We decided to go to the zoo. We had a really great time, I even ran into a friend from high school (Marcy Chartier) and her daughter! Maizey liked the petting zoo best!
She really wanted to break these locks open and free the bunnies. My little future Greenpeace activist.
Petting the Kinder goats.
I'm sure I was saying "baaaaaahhhh" in this photo, you just can't see. We spent a lot of time discussing animal noises that day.
I LOVE these panda cows, so did Maizey and Ryan. I want one.
Okay, this is probably the least exciting video ever, but the only other one Ryan took was like 2.5mins long and I've been trying to upload it since Monday and I can't, I think it's way too long. It was really cute of Maizey running from goat to goat. You'll just have to watch this and imagine how much better the other video was.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Mother's Day 2009
Best part of all.Wearing daddy's shirt.